


gold hued

by peachsneakers



Series: soulmate september [9]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Analodemus, Asthmatic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Asthmatic Morality | Patton Sanders, Background Platonic Royality, Background Royality - Freeform, Basically Virgil's parents suck, But they aren't really in it - Freeform, College, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Twins, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Remy and Emile are mentioned, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26371339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers
Summary: When Janus is five, he writes to his soulmate.When Janus is fifteen, three people write back. He doesn't answer.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Dark Creativity | Remus/Deceit | Janus/Logic | Logan (Sanders Sides)
Series: soulmate september [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906756
Comments: 34
Kudos: 276





	gold hued

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: Day 9 - When you write something on your own skin it appears on your soulmate’s skin as well.

When Janus is five, he gets his very own soul mark pen.

"To write to your soulmate," his mother explains, booping him on the nose and making him giggle. "Any pen will work, but this one's special."

It doesn't take long for Janus to succumb to temptation and write on the back of his non-dominant hand, the tip of his tongue poking out in concentration. _Hi!_ He writes in straggling gold letters. 

He leaves it on for as long as he can, until his mother makes him take a bath. But no matter how many times he peeks down at the gold scribbles, nothing joins it. No other colors smear across his skin and his mother has to soothe the tears that come that night, tucked up tight in bed.

"It's okay, little snake," she says, brushing his hair back from his face. "Sometimes, it's hard for your soulmate to write back. They might be scared or asleep. Or maybe their parents think they shouldn't write to their soulmate until they're older. That's all. It doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong. Okay?"

"Okay," Janus echoes, but he doesn't believe it. He knows that he _has_ a soulmate. If he didn't, the ink would have disappeared into his skin (one of the things that made soul mark pens so very special). But for whatever reason, his soulmate doesn't seem to like him.

So he doesn't write again. He studies his skin carefully every day, watching for the slightest dribble of ink. Nothing happens until he's fifteen.

And that's when everything changes.

Janus, you see, did not have just _one_ soulmate. No, he had _three_.

_I'm Logan,_ written in a cramped dark blue script. _I apologize for not writing sooner._

_Virgil,_ comes reluctant purple, jagged and spiky.

_I'm Remus! Hi!_ is the last, written in acid green that Janus has to squint to read. His soul mark pen sits in his pocket, easy to reach. It would be so easy to add his own name, to write down _Janus_ in vivid gold.

He does nothing.

_There's three of them anyway,_ he consoles himself, cold comfort as he drifts through high school, wearing long sleeves and hoodies to hide the multitude of conversations scribbled across his skin. _They don't need me._ Sometimes he thinks he's being childish. So no one answered him when he was five. He's since discovered that his mother was right and some parents don't even _let_ their children answer so young. For all he knows, that's what happened. After all, the others didn't start talking to each other until he was fifteen. He's not sure how old the rest of them are, but he thinks they're around his age.

Then again, would anyone even want to be soulmates with him? He's short and his birthmark covers one side of his face. He never used to mind it until he reached school and discovered that kids are cruel.

Kids are very cruel.

So he grows to meet it. He's spiky, defensive, bitterly sarcastic. He pushes people away because it's easier than letting them in. Sometimes he sits alone in his room, tracing each written line across his arms, watching his soulmates' lives play out without him. They go to the same school, because of course they do. They meet up. More than once. They never once ask about him, about the forgotten gold lines on the top of one hand. It's enough to make him wonder if perhaps there's been some sort of mistake. If maybe he's not meant to have a soulmate after all, never mind three.

And then he enters college. And in his very first class, his English class, a boy with purple-dyed hair and a purple hoodie slouches into the room, and Janus hears that his name is Virgil. He freezes in place, casually tugging the sleeves of his own hoodie down, just on the off chance. What are the chances? He wonders, his face drained of color. Virgil doesn't seem to notice as he picks a seat in the back of the room, next to a guy in a _tie_ of all things, and a boy with grey-streaked brown hair and fishnets.

He doesn't mean to eavesdrop (that's a lie, of course he does), but in the course of one class, he learns the one in a tie is Logan and the other, who won't stop eating jawbreakers in class, is named Remus.

He's in a class with all three of his soulmates and Janus doesn't know how to function. His heart feels like it's cracking in two, watching the three of them interact so fondly.

He doesn't know if it's brave or stupid, but he pulls out a pen ( _not_ his soul mark pen, he'd rather die than use _that_ one), and writes the day's assignment on the palm of his hand, in tiny black letters. He watches the puzzlement form on their faces when they feel the slight tingle across their skin, and he flees. He runs and he runs, until he's at the far end of campus and he's having an asthma attack. He can't catch his breath. He fumbles weakly through his backpack, searching for his inhaler, but there's nothing. He forgot it in his shitty dorm room, the one place he can claim as "his." Panic flickers and flares as he wheezes, trying desperately to calm down.

"Hey," someone says, catching his attention. To Janus's relief, it is not one of his soulmates. "Are you okay?" He shakes his head, pointing feebly at his throat. The boy in front of him frowns, blue eyes magnified by round glasses.

"Do you have asthma?" The stranger asks. Janus nods. The boy's eyes light up. "Do you use albuterol?" He asks. Janus nods again. He paws through his backpack and yanks out an inhaler with a shout of triumph. "Here you go, friend! Try that!"

Janus triggers the inhaler down his throat, relief overtaking him in minutes.

"Thank you," he gasps, once he's gotten some of his breath back.

"No problem!" The strange student says cheerfully. "I'm Patton! What's your name?"

"Uh, Janus," he responds. "I take it you have asthma, too?" He flushes at the dumb question, but Patton only smiles.

"Yep!" He says, popping the 'p.' "Are you okay now? You looked awfully bad for a minute there. Your lips were turning blue."

"I might have overdone it," Janus weakly admits, not willing to spill the details of how stupid he was to alert his soulmates to his presence. As if they want someone else in their midst! They're obviously happy with each other. They don't need a freak like him joining their group.

"Come with me," Patton suggests. "I know a great student run cafe. Have you seen it yet? It's run by Remy and Emile and it's _fantastic_. I was gonna meet my friends there."

"Uh, sure," Janus agrees. He's not sure why. But it's not like Patton seems _dangerous_. He could probably take him, if he turned out to be a serial killer in disguise.

"Oh, there are my friends now!" Patton says brightly, squinting into the distance. Janus does the same and his heart sinks.

While he doesn't recognize the fourth person, the other three are his soulmates.

He just can't win today, can he?

"Patton!" Virgil shouts. "You wouldn't believe-"

"What?" Patton asks, bouncing on the tips of his toes like an excited puppy.

"We seem to have another soulmate," Logan says, pushing his glasses up his nose. Janus shrinks away, trying desperately to fade into the background. _And what if they want to shake your hand, idiot?_ He scolds himself. _Don't you think they'll notice the writing on your palm? They aren't stupid._

"Who's this?" Logan asks, turning toward Janus.

"Janus!" Patton answers for him. "I found him having an asthma attack and let him borrow my inhaler."

"That was nice of you, Pat," the fourth boy says. He bears a startling resemblance to Remus. Does Remus have a brother? Janus wonders. As if he can sense Janus's confusion, Patton startles.

"Oh! Sorry, Janus, this is Roman! His brother is Remus, and that's Virgil, and that's Logan!"

"You're in our English class, aren't you?" Virgil asks. Throat dry, Janus nods. His chest is tight and he's not sure if it's residue from his asthma attack or being surrounded by his soulmates.

"Let's go," Patton says. "Remy will wonder where we are. Coming, Janus?"

"I uh-" Janus swallows. He feels trapped, everyone's gaze on him. Unthinking, he raises his inked hand to push his hair away from his face.

"What's that?" Logan asks, eyes narrowing. Janus jerks his hand down, but it's too late. Logan's grasped his wrist with cool, delicate fingers and turned his hand over, revealing the neat black writing.

"Janus?" Remus asks in surprise. Janus's breathing hitches.

"I uh- I need to go," he stammers, yanking his hand free. 

"Please don't," Logan says, his eyes surprisingly soft. "Are you- well-" He raises his own hand, revealing Janus's words.

"I'm sorry," Janus blurts out. "I shouldn't have- I'll just go-"

"Why are you sorry?" Virgil asks. "You haven't done anything to apologize for."

"Yes, I have," Janus mumbles. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't intrude, I-"

"But we _want_ you to," Logan insists. Remus and Virgil nod in instant agreement. "Janus, if you're our soulmate, then we want you in our lives."

"Hell, you seem pretty cool anyway, don't have to be a soulmate," Remus throws in with a grin. 

"My color's gold," Janus says abruptly. "I- I didn't use my pen."

"Gold?" Remus asks, wonder filling his bright green eyes. "I remember gold... I thought I dreamed it. Mom told me to go to bed and when I woke up, it was gone."

"You-" Janus breathes, staring at him in shock. "I had to take a bath," he says. "But why didn't you-"

"Our parents thought it was inappropriate to talk to our soulmates so early," Remus says, with a scowl.

"Same," Logan shares reluctantly.

"My parents just sucked," Virgil mutters, shoulders hunched. Janus stares at them all, his mouth open.

"I thought you hated me," he says without thinking. 

"Never," Logan vows. His eyes are damp. "I could never hate you. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to respond to you. I wanted to, so, so much. I thought perhaps I had imagined the gold, or someone had used a different color, so I never mentioned it."

Janus bursts into tears, instantly surrounded by all three of his soulmates (Patton and Roman stepping a discreet distance away).

"I'm sorry," he hiccups. "It's so _dumb_ , I should have just-"

"It's not dumb," Virgil softly contradicts, holding out a tissue so he can wipe his eyes. "I- I get it. I almost didn't reply at all at first. I was scared that- that no one would like me." His shoulders hunch up around his ears. "I'm sorry I couldn't reply to you."

"I was five," Janus says, mopping at his eyes and huffing out a watery, self-deprecating laugh. "I- I should have gotten it."

"It's okay that you didn't," Logan says quietly. "I'm sorry that I never asked after you. I should have checked. I just- I got caught up in having more than one soulmate at all. My parents were shocked for weeks."

"Mine called me a freak," Virgil contributes. Janus feels a surge of anger toward Virgil's parents.

"Mine probably thought I was," Remus says cheerily. "Especially since Roman only has one. But they don't know it's platonic." He jerks his head toward Roman and Patton. "They're together, but they're only platonic soulmates. They don't care if people at college know, so."

"You aren't a freak," Janus blurts out. "None of you are, except-" _Except me,_ he wants to say. Logan's fingers brush his chin, tipping his head up.

"You are not an exception," Logan murmurs. "Never a freak."

"I wish I'd replied when we were fifteen," Janus whispers. Logan smiles slightly, his eyes bright.

"Same," he says. "But you're here now." Janus nods dumbly. Struck by a sudden thought, he scrabbles for his soul mark pen and draws a heart on the top of his hand, where he'd penned _Hi_ so long ago. Logan smiles and holds up his hand, showing off the gold-hued heart.

"There," Janus says.

"Wanna go to Remy's cafe and make up for lost time?" Virgil asks.

"Yes, please," Janus says, watching green inked curlicues spiral around the gold heart as Remus scribbles on his own hand, tongue sticking out in concentration.

"I'm not washing this off," Remus announces. Janus can't help but laugh, surrounded by his soulmates.

_Neither am I,_ he thinks and smiles.


End file.
